indigos journal

My heart in precious
balance
Which way do I go
One little move I go
downward
Another I go up
The seesaw of life
Forever the judge

Sticks &
Stones
May break my
bones
But words may
Always hurt me

this was written after a stay in a psych ward…the asshole doctor there (who did not “BELIEVE” in multiplicity) called me crazy and doped us up with anti-psychotics.
(more…)

Shining, shimmering
Glowing
A dream
From the dark recesses of a mind
I saw you
Growing-flowerlike-
Bending with the wind.
Soft heavenly petals
Velvety mist
Reminders of the rainy night
Here and gone
Leaving only the sun
Enabling the increased strength you possess.
When the winter comes
I can no longer see you
But you are not gone
Merely taking shelter
Gathering your mighty resources
Bursting with life
With energy
As spring comes forth once more.

as i peer at your tiny face
so beautiful
innocence at its purest
i reflect
you are me
and i am you
a child of yesteryear
you are my hope
the hope
of a better world
our future
my future.
they have tried to break your spirit
they’ve used all the weapons they know
but your spirit remains
unvanquished
inside
where no one can see it.
oh precious one
you will see
it is time to soar once more
free as the eagle.

this was written after we were raped by our sponsor’s sponsor’s husband. (we were going to AA at the time) The first time we got angry at an abuser. (of ours…it is easy to be angry when others are hurt) the majority of us don’t believe in “good ” vs. “evil” and all that stuff. but it is easier to think of destroying someone because they are evil, than it is to think of destroying them because they hurt you.
(more…)

this was written after we were raped by our sponsor’s sponsor’s husband. (we were going to AA at the time) We know that there are other women who have been hurt by this man.
(more…)

this was written after we were raped by our sponsor’s sponsor’s husband. (we were going to AA at the time) after we told our “friends” what had happened, much controversy exploded. since he supposedly had more sobriety, everyone believed him rather than us. we lost all our friends and our sponsor. we had missed all the red-flags. we really believed that his interest in us was in helping our sobriety. he was a well-loved member of the AA community and our grand-sponsor’s husband, after all. we actually thought that with his acceptance of us, we would be liked by everyone else…the “in crowd” kind of thing.
(more…)