well, then…
sometimes it is so hard to write when you know people are reading…how can you be totally open, when you worry about hurting them? on the other hand, if you can’t be open in your own journal, where can you be?
our system war is much better. in many areas, there is compromise and resolution. (at least to some degree.) there are some things that are still in conflict, but not full-out war. i don’t know how that all will play out…
this last week we have had a lot more energy. in much better spirits.
today, though, we are feeling somewhat down and upset. at least some of us are. it is upset about stupid stuff, really. it shouldn’t upset us. but it does. it still matters to us what people think.
jennifer, our system anorexic, has been close to the front for the last little bit. still is. she keeps us from being hungry. so we can go a long time without eating. it’s not like we don’t need to lose weight. cause we all know that we are pretty much hippo size.
right now we are really hating us. well, not all of us are. but some of us. many of the ones close to the front.
it is so hard to explain our feelings, when we don’t have ways to describe who we are referring to.
god…this entry is so fucking stupid. what is the point? and why can’t we seem to write more, especially when things are not bad? cause as it is, people must think that we feel bad all the time.
i wish we didn’t have to go to cassidy’s tonight. i really want to go home and hybernate. but then we might end up cutting or something. and plus we told her we would be there. and we really are trying to be better about commitments. not make them unless we can keep them. and then keep the ones we have made. there is a certain amount of force involved with that…we have to force ourselves to do things…like go to cassidy’s tonight.
well…i should probably stop…i am just babbling.
