not just pain
things have been rough tonight. we went to group, and were triggered early on. feeling so stupid…ruined everything…shoulda kept our trap closed…people mad…so mad…it makes people inside mad. people inside wanting to cut, wanting to die.
feeling scared. lonely. scared scared scared.
then planes were flying by and it was scary. planes loud. bad bad bad. make it stop. make it stop. stop stop stop.
when the green mens gotted us at the place and doin bad stuff the planes go. planes go loud. make it stop.
the green mens haved dogs. big dogs. rottwylers and germen shepards. they be real scary. growl. dog teeths around neck. green mens say they make doggy bite down if… something. don’t remember what the somethin was. other times they make the doggies have sex to us.
some inside real real mad cause we not posed to write stuff like that. not tell not tell not tell. bad bad bad. gotta punish.
cut cut cut
make it stop
we scared bout the morning when they gonna stick needles in our mouth. bad bad bad. hurt. crazy. needles makes the crazys come. dont like the crazys.
i am sorry things are so scary, but we think you are very brave for talking about it. and good. and also very brave to go to the dentist even though it hurts. i hope you can get your dentist that you are used to.
thanks for talking. we get triggered by all these things too, so it’s like you’re making it more ok for us to talk.
Comment by myriad — January 27, 2006 @ 7:37 am
We are so proud of your courage. You have survived such hard, hard things. And you are so brave to talk about how you feel and what you remember. I feel so glad when there are little ones brave enough to come out and be cared for and loved. All of you are so deserving of all the love and safety that anyone can imagine. It feels good to lovey-dovey the little ones, and the bigs too!
I hope that the trip to the dentist wasn’t too bad and that the pain can start going away.
It’s so hard to be in pain for a long time.
We feel sad for you that the old rules still cause so much fear and anger and hurting inside.
We get into a lot of old bad rules telling us we are totally bad just for knowing what happened to us. Today we are feeling pretty good because we were able to remember that we are not bad for knowing. It’s such a happy thing when we can remember that the rules changed. I hope that we can remember that again tomorrow morning when we wake up.
I hope that you can remember that you are beautiful and good and brave and wonderful all of the time.
brucies
Comment by bruce — January 27, 2006 @ 1:41 pm