ARGHHHHH!!!!!
just when i thought i was getting better…
we woke up yesterday with a really bad and painful cough. early this morning we called and got an appointment with our doctor. the verdict? sinus infection and bronchitis. icky. painful.
between this sickness and our insurance taking forever to approve the new teeth, we might have to change the day of surgery. i know we’re scared of the surgery, but we are also disappointed to have it moved. we want it done. our therapist and doctor both think that our general health will improve once the dental crap is done. i sure hope so. we are really sick of being sick.
the kids get so upset and lonely when we are sick. they want to cry all the time. they cry out for mommy. not our mommy, of course. she wasn’t worth a damn when it came to sickness. they cry out for a mommy who would hold us and take care of us and reassure us.
it is so hard…nothing i say to them seems to make any difference.
we can really relate to the part about wanting mommy. i never know what to do. it’s not like they really want their mom… right? my therapist takes it as a good sign… they’re strong enough to still ask for what they need, or something, and smart enough to know what they need… but i can relate, all the nuturing in the world feels like it can never be enough to fill that void of the mothering we didn’t get.
that really really sucks about pushing the date back. hopefully if you push it back now so far before the surgery, they will have space so that you won’t have to push it back too far. good luck sweeties. and rest good.
Comment by myriad — February 7, 2006 @ 7:26 am
I really relate. The kids crave mothering. So do I. I take on the joy/job of mothering the kids, and I send into their inside world the safe mommieness of my two therapists as well as me. And it hurts like hell that I will never have a real mommy, and none of the good sweet nurturing ecperiences of my adult life will ever make up for what WE SHOULD HAVE HAD. I do much grieving on this.
I am so sorry to hear about the up-in-the-airness of the surgery date. That’s hard to deal with.
Sweet motherly hugs to you and the little ones.
bruce
Comment by bruce — February 7, 2006 @ 7:45 pm
i hope you feel better.
melie
Comment by melie of jaga — February 8, 2006 @ 1:28 am