indigos journal

it has been so long since we’ve written. there has been much going on, but it hasn’t felt like we could write about it here.

we broke up with our girlfriend.

one group inside feels like we did the right thing. afterall, they say, our first priority is to take care of ourself. that is the important thing.

another group feels like we are scum. we should have died before we hurt someone else. hurting yourself, or letting yourself be hurt, is always better than hurting someone else. i know that this is programming stuff from before…but that knowledge doesn’t make it any easier. (i’m not saying our girlfriend was hurting us. she wasn’t. i’m just saying that according to programming our thoughts/feelings/needs/wants/etc don’t matter…all that matters is how the other person feels.)

and then there is the main one that was in the relationship…she wanted the relationship…and she feels that we have ruined everything for her.

she wants to be in a relationship. if we are to stay single, as we desperately need to right now, we are going to have to find a way to get through to her. we are going to have to find a way to meet her needs without her getting involved that way.

anyway…that is the biggest thing going on right now. we are still recovering from being sick. tomorrow we need to call our doctor and ask her to write that stupid note so that are surgery can happen. i am really worried about it happening soon because another tooth is starting to go. we really do not want to be in agony like that again.

i guess that is it for now.