indigos journal

we been connectin with all our friends. we be real happy about that. we played with julie and myriad on the weekend. then with diane on monday. and we see bruce on tuesday. we wanted to see ron but we couldnt yet. hopefully soon.

therepy was hard yeserday. little kids having bad bad memries. our therpist was really mad at the bad people. she said they was bullies. she was sad for us.

first it was the bigs that was there. they was talkin bout stuff happenin in the now. the stuffs happenin in the now mostly isnt bad. cept whenever we goes to bed and not fall asleep right away then we get bad memries relives. so we cant go to bed til we can sleep right away. we have to be tired tired tired.

then little kid come out that was suckin thumb. that kid dont talk. we dont know how big they was. maybe four. mostly we talked when we was that big cept some didnt. cause some was quite so we can be invisible.

anyway that kid be real sad. and they be seein pictures. and feelin body memries. they get on the floor and draw pictures for therpist. the first picture was a really little us and a real big hand. they drawed that cause it feel like there always be big hand on us. touchin. touchin sometimes soft and sometimes hard. the next picture was a really little us and a real big penis. they drawed that cause we feel penis on us everywhere. sometimes rubbin sometimes jabbin. then they drawed a really little us and we was cryin and a real big bad person that was mad and yellin and swearin at us. they was mad cause we was cryin.

then the kid stopped drawin. they was playin with the toys in therpist toy cabinet. then they got a puzzle out and started puttin it together. we like puzzles. we liked puzzles since we little little little.

then we started seein and feelin another memry. it was so so strong like it was happenin. we was layin on the floor doin a puzzle. just like in therpists office. then the bad people (mom and dad both did it at diffrent times) comed up and grabbed our bum. they start grabbin and touchin us in our private parts. and we stopped doin our puzzle. and they would yell at us to keep doin our puzzle. they would say dont let me interuppt. but they would try really hard to distract us. but we couldnt slow down on the puzzle. they kept swearin at us if we slowed down or stop. and if we made a mistake they would swear at us. and they kept laughin at us. they thought it was funny what they was doin and how it made us be. and they would keep touchin and grabbin and pokin. and we just had to keep doin our puzzle. then when it was done they would stop and laugh. then they would say now clean this up bitch.

so when we was in therpist and was doin that puzzle we was feelin and hearin and seein it. our breathin was weird. and we was scared and we couldn’t stop doing the puzzle. we had to finish the puzzle.

we be real sad. and we feel real bad. linda say we aint bad. she say they was bein bad. she say they bullies. she mad at them. but we just feel bad.