a different kind of dissociation
it has been a while since we have written. it seems words have been distant.
easter has past. unfortunately the storm of easter has not.
life for us right now seems to be happening on two levels. one is the here; the now. the second is some other time and space. the now is pretty good. our denture is almost complete, so surgery should be soon. our computer reached the company and has been fixed. it is on the way back. we have many friends.
we are having trouble staying connected to this reality; to the now. we keep being drawn to that second reality. this reality is not so good. there is depression, despair, self injury, anxiety…in this other place we feel so lost and disconnected from everything and everyone. we feel so alone. it is getting harder and harder to connect with the here and now.
but we will have to fake some competence, as part of each of the next four days will be spent working with the chorus.
we really understand about life happening on two levels or more at once. there’s a lot of hard stuff though going on in our outside life, but there is also little things that are good.
that other level is really hard for us too. we get suddenly pulled under this whirlpool of emotions, pain, anxiety, depression, and we’re gasping for air.
and then we fake competence too, like around our nephew or the new therapist. we really hear yous and can relate.
julies
Comment by julies — April 27, 2006 @ 6:02 pm