indigos journal

it has been oh so long since we wrote. first we weren’t writing because we were recovering from surgery and then so sick. and then life just seemed to dump so much on us that we couldn’t cope with writing. it seemed like a huge challenge; an overwhelming prospect.

BUT….

we have missed it so much. we always feel better when we are able to get our words and thoughts and feelings out of our head. left alone inside they seem to fester. and often they get pretty stinky. so, here i am trying to get in the habit of airing them out once again.

and i would like to think that the people who read my journal have missed seeing my words.

mostly we are doing ok. we have sadness and pissiness because bruce died. she meant a lot to us. but these feelings aren’t as intense as they were several weeks ago (just after it all happened) because we were able to do a lot of grieving and processing then. because at that time we knew that she would die.

we are having to go back to the basics on a lot of stuff. we have not been doing well with time, and so we don’t realize how long it has been since we shower, or eat, or do housework, or any number of things. so we’ve gone back to having a chart that lists all our tasks and housework. when we’ve done something the kids get to put a star sticker (or, really, any sticker they like) on that item for that day. we are trying really hard to be gentle with ourselves, because most things don’t happen as often as they should. the important thing, i figure, is to be making the effort.

an we gets a star for writin in our journal! we been wantin to do that for long time. so we putted it on our chart.

the bigs been working on journal/website. the myriads switched us to this new place and we likes it way better. it easier to do. we still gots long ways to go with it though.

in therapy we been dealin with lots of memories bout showers. cause we been trying to work with why showers are so hard and scary and overwhelming.

we cant wait til this stupid spection is done. we dont like them at all. the lady is mean. it be lots of stress worryin bout it.

we gotta stop now cause a lady is comin to get us to give us a haircut.