call my name
there is much panic and talk inside our head right now. much mumbling. seems rather chaotic. it is all we can do to get up each day and then to leave the house, at least for a little bit. and we feel very alone. we keep sending these words out there into the ether…and they seem to not be seen or heard. perhaps we have borrowed harry’s invisibility cloak again. in any case, we don’t like how we are feeling.
today should have been therapy. the protests started as early as yesterday evening. young ones crying, begging to not have to go. it feels as though they think it is a punishment. when i kept pushing, they finally dug their heels in and simply refused to go. but, of course, they were not willing to make the call to tell her that. that anxiety-producing duty fell to me.
i am sure that part of our panic and chaos is because we are quite sure that our therapist is mad at us. not only for the crap last week, but also for canceling. and at such late notice. but i kept trying to get us to go. it scares them to think of going to therapy. and i know that the more we put it off, the harder it gets. i am sure there will be another power struggle on friday.
another thing contributing to our current state is the damn cat situation. it is really hard on the young ones to have two cats hissing constantly. and sometimes the hissing it at us. i know that it is not personal, that the cats don’t hate us. they are just stressed out in a difficult situation. but i don’t think the kids believe that. it feels awful to them. and they hate being afraid of robbie…but she has attacked us a couple of times, so they are. it’s not her fault…it is the stress causing her seizures to happen a hell of a lot of the time.
i hate these down times. it seems like things were finally going well. and no matter what our therapist says, we didn’t sabotage it. these times have always come…the difference is that they are not as severe as they used to be. when they are here, it feels like things will never get better. we literally can’t imagine them being better. i know now, from experience, that our relationship with time is screwed up and they will improve. but it is an exercise in faith.
in the meantime, we are here floating in space. ever so tired. can anyone see or hear us?
We hear you. Sorry you are having such a hard time. I can see why the little one\\\’s are scared of being attacked and thinking the cats hate you. All kid think that way. Keep reminding everyone that time changes things. We have been needing to do that a lot also. Take care. wandering cat
Comment by wandering cat — August 2, 2006 @ 1:49 am
We see you, we hear you…and we think you’re wonderful.
Comment by Ron — August 2, 2006 @ 8:28 am
we see and hear you also! and you are being very brave… remember the brave people aren’t those who aren’t scared… they’re those who go on despite fear. which you are doing very well. we are sorry things have been so hard. we love you.
Comment by myriad — August 2, 2006 @ 7:26 pm
we’ve been seeing you and hearing yous. we hope the cats are getting better to each other and yous. it is not fun when cats hurt you. we believe yous that you didn’t sabatoge things. good for yous for standing behind what you knows to be true for yous.
it will get betters even ifin it don’t feel like it you will get better for a little bit and then get hards again but maybe you will gets more goods than hards someday soon.
us and usz
Comment by JAGA — August 9, 2006 @ 8:30 pm