indigos journal

our life is basically ok. we went to therapy on friday and worked things out with our therapist. we are very happy about that. we so hate it when things aren’t right between us and our therapist. it makes everything seem wrong.

things are basically ok, but there are still things going on. physically we are still having problems. still a lot of body pain and still the female issue. luckily we have an appointment with our doctor tomorrow. we are hoping to get some answers and a plan of action to start feeling better physically.

then there is the still present mumbling…the anxiety…the not sleeping at night. some of the things that people have been saying:

“shut up”

“stop it”

“no..no..no..no”

and then the rhythmic movements…which i know are coming from the autistics.

the only clue i have is pictures and words (the words are not ours…they are from people outside of us) that have come up a bunch of times:
“take it bitch”

“you are bad!”

“i’m ashamed of you”

pictures: being locked in a dark dark closet…there are spiders. it feel like forever that we in there. we hate when we get locked in here. we try to be good. we try so hard. sometimes we don’t even know what we done wrong. but we know we bad.

pictures: being tied to a wood chair. naked. being yelled at.

pictures: had to drink bad water. feel real funny. we be laughed at.

it is so hard to catch all the pictures and words before they are gone. it seems like they are right there within view until we try and focus on them. maybe cause we are trying to tell. not supposed to tell. we bein bad again.