indigos journal

a quick entry before i need to leave…i am already late for art group.  we couldn’t wake up.

we have been having a very hard time.  people inside angry, mean.  punishing us.  our whole forearm is one big bruise. and they do other stuff that i can’t talk about.

we spent several days completely isolated…couldn’t call anyone or answer the phone, couldn’t go out, etc. plus they wouldn’t let us eat.  and then when we did eat they made us sick.

i don’t know why things are so crazy.

i will try to write more later.

but we are still looking for words to fill the empty spaces.

i look for words

to fill the empty spaces

(Little Perennials, Indigo Girls)

we could not go to therapy with myriad like we usually do on thursdays. everything is just to much. so we have mostly played wow and read and tried not to self harm. but then we didn’t self harm cause we don’t want to hurt. but we feel so much badness and like we need to hurt ourself. like we need to be punished.

we are voiceless right now. and we feel little. but also so so big. we take up too much space. we want to be little enough so that we can curl up and disappear. i think that is way we are voiceless….so that we are less visible. don’t attract any attention.

got to go to group. people are here.