ups and downs
so at group the other night, we spewed forth everything weighing on us. well, almost everything. we forgot to mention our fear about losing our therapist. anyway…. it felt really good to let all that out. and it felt really good that everyone heard us and supported us. and people are helping with the things that can be helped with. it feels awesome to have that much support.
it doesn’t fix everything, of course. the hard things–the programming going off, the horrible and intense feelings, the self harm and suicide feelings–are still there. but it seems like there are some breaks in it…or it is lessened sometimes…or something.
we are actually having moments when things are pretty good. like k flirting with alex the other night. like running into an old (non-multiple) friend tonight who was so happy to see us. moments of laughter with friends.
it all seems kind of weird. we are not used to experiencing such differing emotions in the same general time frame. before it has always been the ugly awful despair and crap for a seemingly long period of time, then a more upbeat period of time, then crashing again into the ugliness. never this up and down in the same day. we don’t know what to make of it yet.