indigos journal

little anxious panic scared overwhelmed hallucination memory spinning knife cut bad cunt “stay still” hurt spinning fast

cant say no more

as you all know, we work with the Seattle Women’s Chorus. this weekend is their spring concert, and we have been helping out every night. in addition to our duties there, we helped Cris Williamson (the guest artist) and her partner/manager sell cd’s.

it was during this second job that i saw a face we haven’t seen in nearly a year. this face was the face of our old therapist who left abruptly last year to go on hiatus. it looked liked she tried to catch my eye…we got up and went around the table and gave her a hug. it seemed as though all was well.

then came selling cd’s after the show as Cris Williamson was autographing cd’s, dvd’s, posters, programs, etc. our old therapist was up at the table, this time doing everything she could to avoid eye contact. she was snippy to myself and several other people. (so i know the snippiness is not personal)

the difference between the two times was so dramatic. and it really underlines the fact that people inside still do not trust her and maybe never will. she is still too unpredictable and almost volatile.

it is really sad though. it felt really good at the beginning to see her and get a hug. her behavior later really upset people inside. or, if we are really honest, it upset most of us. it feels silly, but it’s almost like we feel betrayed. and we feel really insecure.

in any case, we are still processing.

she did, however, ask us to say hi to everyone. so hi.

Joyous distrust is a sign of health.  Everything absolute belongs to pathology.

~~Friedrich Nietzsche

You can’t separate peace from freedom because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom.

~~Malcolm X, Malcolm X Speaks, 1965

Instead of viewing creativity as a childish waste of time, we can appreciate it as a tool for self-knowledge and expansion.

~Cara Faye