persistent thoughts
we just finished reading a book in which the main character nearly commits suicide. our reaction to the fact that he changed his mind is interesting…we were disappointed. we wanted him to commit suicide.
in this book, the author describes how this character had obsessed over death, particularly suicide, for years. i feel like that describes us well. i remember being like that from a very early age…as early as i remember. we still think about it, hear people wanting it, picture it, pretty much every day. i’m not talking about the serious-i-have-a-plan suicidal thinking. i’m talking about the more subtle thinking.
this isn’t the only time we’ve seen a fictional character and thought they should commit suicide. it happens all the time…in books, movies, tv, etc. when a characters life is really fucked up, we think that way.
when things seems really hard, or when emotions are really intense, that is where our mind goes. maybe this makes us a coward…i don’t know. and maybe it makes us mean to think like that about other people.
i welcome feedback and comments on this issue.
we can really relate. we’ve always been obsessed with suicide and frustrated with the closed attitudes of most people – that it’s always bad, that everyone who attempts regrets it, etc etc. it seems so patronizing and two-dimensional. up until very recently, we counted ourselves among those who regretted the failure of our attempts – even when we’re decently happy. with the transition maybe we are a little more enthusiastic about life, but at best it’s a kind of neutral.
what book was it? i think i might know, but not sure…
Comment by myriad — August 14, 2008 @ 11:19 pm