broke that one
tonight we cut for the first time in a what seems like a long time. and even then it is a stupid, wimpy cut because we can’t seem to handle cutting pain anymore. it feels like just one more failure.
it feels like we are spiralling out of control. and i know we have absolutely no perspective on it…it feels like there can’t possibly be another side to this. (despite how many times of living through it before?)
the “i want to die” “i wish i was dead” voices are almost ever-present. as well as the self-harm images.
we can’t see anything good tonight.
except for the mamma mia soundtrack we are listening to.
but that’s not about us. we can’t see anything good about us. and, as we twitted earlier, self-loathing gets thicker every day…and it gets harder each day to get out of bed.
enough of our drivel for tonight. my how we go on.
we are sorry that you cut and stuff. we understand how hard it is to not cut and to struggle with that and also with it being a long time since it happened.
we hear that yous are having a really hard time. for the record, we see lots of great things about yous. we hope someday you can love yourselves cuz we sure love who yous are!
love,
us
Comment by JAGA — January 8, 2009 @ 7:23 am