indigos journal

• “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean it is not real?” J.K. Rowling #
• Waking up with a migraine…on the left side instead of the usual right side ones #
• Tried to sleep off migraine. Didn't work. Still hurting pretty bad #
• Want…want people…but don't seem able so far #
• Migraine…nausea… #
• I hate being this fucking depressed…it's really pathetic #
• Fervently wish we did not have to be here alone #
• We are worried/scared cause the replicas are making plans that we don't like #
• 2 plans…maybe to keep us off balance? #
• Yay–air conditioner install on monday! #
• Ok…back to sleep after that rude but exciting awakening #
• Cat bit me awake to feed her #
• Hmmm…accountability with multiplicity. Discuss #
• It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his job depends on not understanding it.
  – Upton Sinclair #

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there is so much we want to say…but it all sounds so overly dramatic and posturing. and attention-seeking.

and, after all, we can’t be attention-seeking or dramatic. that would be catastrophic to the wolves. like manipulative is.

why do they care so much what other people think? their whole world revolves around what other people think and other people liking them.

i guess when you know you are the bad guy and not likable, you don’t care so much what people think.  fuck them. only we know the truth about us.

but still they keep us from speaking it.

you win. we concede.

it is obvious that you best us in stamina and maneuver.  which makes sense, as you have a longer history in which to practice.

i must admit, i am a bit relieved.  we tire of this game.  we tire of running, of fighting. it is nice to lay down the gauntlet and wait for the inevitable.

so come claim your prize, before it expires.