friday whines
in Multiple Authors, unknown author(s), written by bigs, written by kids
we don’t wanna go to therapy. don’t. wanna.
but…we know we can’t cancel. meh.
i’m not sure why we don’t want to go so badly. except i know that it sucks to go every time lately and be swallowed by electro drug trance. feeling pulled down…unable to fight it. trapped.
ugh.
plus lately it all seems so futile. i mean, what’s the point?
and then there is that other side…so productive. so functional. talk about dissociative! these two sides of us feel so far apart. not at all related.
and then there is the never ending physical pain. we haven’t been able to get through to the physical therapy place yet. and the new anti-inflammatory drug is helpful, but not as much as we’d like.
but…we got a swimsuit! so now if we can just call the clinic and get that whole swimming thing taken care of….that would be nice. we absolutely love the water. it feels so safe and comforting. womb-like? and our doc said that it is the only exercise (beside the stretches that the physical therapist will give us) that won’t aggravate our hip and back.
our picture taking goal has been mostly successful so far. there have been a couple of days that we haven’t taken any, but mostly we are taking pictures every day. it’s a challenge. but a fun one.
quick note
we don’t have much time to write right now, but we wanted to anyway.
we are going to work. then we are shopping with a friend.
we saw our doctor yesterday. even though the cortisone shot in our hip didn’t work, we can’t get another one for about a month. in the meanwhile, she is sending us to physical therapy. and she put us on an anti-inflammatory that is a lot stronger that ibuprofen. we will see how it goes.
we had a really hard day yesterday. we were so panicky and switchy that we had to have cassdy help us get there and go in with us. that alone says the shape we were in…we like and trust our doc and haven’t had anyone go in with us in a long time. and the self-harmers were doing more damage. but we have this cool bandage called tegaderm that doesn’t seem to give us the allergic reaction that other bandages do. and it’s see through, which is really cool.
we did another therapy collage, but we are not putting it on our site either, because we used someone else’s work and can’t credit them. it is nice to be doing art. and we are still taking pictures every day. except for monday. we kinda forgot that day. it’s fun to take pictures every day. we are getting some interesting stuff. hopefully we will have that other site soon so that we can share some of them.
well, my ride is here so i have to go. we hope to write more later.
meanies
in Multiple Authors, written by bigs, written by kids
we leaved the chorus tech rehearsal last night cause a couple of people were being mean and it hurted our feelings. plus they had lots of people there anyway. but it made us feel real bad and then people wanted to cut or something else like that. and robot boy was real active. but we [...]
robot boy
guess what? we taked a shower! all by ourself. no outside helps. it been maybe 2 weeks since we been clean. it been since our last bath at cassdys. showers be hard hard for us. but we like bein clean. robot boy been strong again today. we call him robot boy cause he only says [...]
feeling the wind in our hair
in Multiple Authors, Song Lyrics, written by bigs, written by kids, written by middles
friday and saturday were both really good days. nothing special happened on friday, we were just feeling good. and then on saturday we went with anita and her son and his friend to a pumpkin farm. we got to go in a corn maze. and we had a fresh, warm powdered sugar covered pumpkin donut. [...]
infrequent murmurings
in Dreams, Memories, Multiple Authors, written by bigs, written by kids
i am very frustrated with us that we can’t seem to write on a regular basis. it seems lately that we’ve been walking a very fine line…feeling lots of intense feelings, but only able to get just so close. even staying somewhat dissociated from things most of the time, we have struggled with the need [...]
alphabet soup
in Dreams, Memories, Multiple Authors, written by middles
b-12 is good now. d is not. d is very very low. in fact, for the next 8 weeks, we will get double the amount of d we got last time. urgh. we would rather have had the shots. the pills are icky. and hard to remember. we never forgot a shot, but we did [...]
i wanna be like
in Multiple Authors, written by bigs, written by middles
you can’t run from who we are. you can’t change who we are. shoving us away for all these years hasn’t done you any good. and now here we are again. what are you going to do with us now? (unidentified castout) here we are…it is after three in the morning. chaos reigning inside. hearing [...]
mumbling and pictures
in Memories, Multiple Authors, written by bigs, written by kids
our life is basically ok. we went to therapy on friday and worked things out with our therapist. we are very happy about that. we so hate it when things aren’t right between us and our therapist. it makes everything seem wrong. things are basically ok, but there are still things going on. physically we [...]
swing
in Dreams, Multiple Authors, written by kids, written by middles
we were doing really well. we were getting lots accomplished and feeling pretty good. but now…not so much. i think it all started in therapy. the kids took our charts to show linda. we were all so proud of all we’ve been doing. at the end, they said to her, “do you think it’s ok [...]